"Well why they call it naked creek? Because everyone out there is naked."

"How are you doing?"

"Great! Can't be no better"

"I love being annoying. Its my best trait. Annnnnnoying. Speaking of annoying, I had some annoying kids at my house this weekend. Never have kids...NEVER!"

"You need to eat apples to avoid the swine flu"

"I Say you just drink a beer"

"Yeah! Hops will kill anything"

"I told him, I said: 'If you are lying to me, I'm gonna string you up by your toe nails and choke the shit out of you'"

Woman: "Light the Fars {fires}. Mine's not an accent, I'm just trying to keep my toof in"
Man: "I was 19 years old when I realized Walter Kronkite didn't have a speech impediment. I thought everybody talked like us"

“After this week. I’ve decided you hate people”

“You think so? I don’t hate people. People sometimes get on my nerves. I hate some people.”

"I got my cornhole last week"

"Nobody else I know would last more than a month in your position"

"Yeah but nobody else goes home and drinks like I do!"

"Whats the difference between Swine Flu and bird flu?"

"Swine Flu you need Oink-ment and Bird Flu you need Tweet-ment"

“I love making phone calls when I’m singing music ‘Iiiiii Just Wanna Keep on Lovin’ You’”

“Yeah they hang up because you are singing!”

“You give them an easy task and they can’t follow directions!”

“Who?”

“I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count!”

"I want an Indianapolis Colts Hardhat. Can you do that?"

"Ewww there’s a gnat IN my po-ta-to! Now I don’t want to eat it."

"I thought I was going to get the Hiney flu and get outta here"
[days after the Hiney comment was made] haha

"Ed…Edga…Edgar Con…Edgard Conc…Darn - I need to take my tooth out."

“Did you get him drugged up?”
“Yes. He sounds like Darth Vader.”
“It isn’t swine flu is it?"

"And now we got her, that little hoochie mama! Lord, give me strength!"

"I got a tomato in my purse...how'd that get in there!?"

"Bring your cell phone. We could get mugged"

"All you have to do is smile at them and we'll be good"

"I didn't understand the last email...Hiney awareness week?"

"Thats H1-N1 Awareness Week"

"My Word's not even there!? My word!"

"Good grief! Its ONLY 8:10!?"