"Deer and crackers. Now all we need are the crackers..."

"Its always a good day when you get a new tooth"

"My favorite movie is Dumb and Dumber"

"Doesn't this look like deer poop? Its petrified deer poop. No its just a black corn."

"You alright? You look sick"

"I drank too much last night"

"Office injuries are just as plentiful as in-the-field injuries"

"Not on your face"

Man: "Did you bring your toothpaste today?"

Woman: "Yes - why, you have a dentist appointment?"

Man: "Yeah"

Woman: "I brought my toothpaste but I didn't bring my tooth"

"We're tough. We need medicine today"

Woman 1: "Did you bring the drugs?"

Woman 2: "DID I BRING THE DRUGS!?"

Woman 1: "Yeah for customer cut-off day? You might need em today"

Woman 2: "No but I could go get some..."

"Got a hole in my sock...driving me nuts!"

"I saw the mouse run across the floor and I put my foot down real fast to catch it...and I killed it. Its little mouse eyes were all popped to the side"

Phone Call: "Dang it where are you?....The Hospital?...And you came in here and touched things I touched!?!.... Maybe its a little bit of hibernation period or something? Oh GREAT GREAT GREAT! But they haven't said swine flu yet? Anything I can do for you? You sure you don't need anything or want anything?....Take care, alright bye."

On Phone: "Did you check in the tree? Yeah the one across the bridge. Check in the crux of the tree where it splits off into three, there will be a bunch of leaves and the rat and a granola bar. Yeah a granola bar under the leaves."

"How was your weekend?"

"The pipe busted in the bathroom, and we came home on Friday and it was like "woooosh"
I said - I think the pipe busted and he was like 'no way'. Great way to start the weekend."

"Listen, I know you think we are an inefficient, ineffective government agency...but look on the bright side: At least we aren't paying your health insurance"

"They're not all nasty but two of em are complete psychopaths!"

"My crystal ball broke down...LORD HAVE MERCY!"

"Rusty Hammer Construction? Do you think thats really his name? Rusty could be a name around here...and Hammer is a common last name. Thats cute!"

Me: "Did you really kill a possum with a blow dart?"

Her: "I don't know but I definitely hit it. It was in the driveway, I think it was already dead. I shot it twice with the blow gun. I pulled one dart out of him but I couldn't find the second one in the yard. I hate it when I lose a dart."

"Where's my toof? I must have lost it"

"Its right there on the paper!"

"Vivian Shagwell, Foxy Cleopatra, Which one was she?"

"Wait a minute Beyonce' was one of them?"

"Don't ever laugh while eating an apple...with one tooth missing!"